Loving Send-Off
My maternal grandmother Teresa Marie Perella (nee Denning) passed away at 6:45PM 8/2/08. Nan did not like to be alone, so in the end she was surrounded by her children and grandchildren in a very crowded ICU room. It was the first time I have been present at the moment of death, and it was an honor.
Over the past few years her health had been declining, eventually wheelchair bound and suffering early stages of dementia. It was such an undignified time in the life of such a vibrant woman known for flitting around town and shopping her heart out. As she grew weaker, she had to give up her independence -- no more driving, no more apartment. She moved in with my uncle and aunt in Delaware for a time, until the stairs became unmanageable and she had a number of falls. A couple of months in a rehab facility flowed into permanent residence in a nursing home, but only for a few weeks as it turned out.
Last Monday Nan was taken into the hospital with pneumonia. When she grew sicker and it was clear the antibiotics and diuretics were not going to help, the decision was made to help her on her way. When everyone was gathered (all but Claire living in Texas, who was devastated she could not make it in time) Nan's CPAP mask was removed (replaced by a basic oxygen mask for comfort) and a morphine bolus was administered. The family circled her bed and all laid hands on Nan. She saw all of us and said "I love you" many times, and we all told her over and over how much we love her, too. It took about two hours, but she finally let go. It was terribly sad, but also beautiful and powerful. My family was supported by the loving care of a fantastic nurse, who helped us through the experience.
There will be no more suffering or indignities for Nan. Wherever she is, she is reunited with my grandfather, her parents, siblings and best friend. I am sure they are having a good party.
In four months I have lost both of my beloved grandmothers. Though I know how blessed I have been to know all of my grandparents so well, and to have had so much time with them, I feel a bit lost now. My parents are now the heads of the family. Holidays will be different from now on. It will take a lot of getting used to.
Over the past few years her health had been declining, eventually wheelchair bound and suffering early stages of dementia. It was such an undignified time in the life of such a vibrant woman known for flitting around town and shopping her heart out. As she grew weaker, she had to give up her independence -- no more driving, no more apartment. She moved in with my uncle and aunt in Delaware for a time, until the stairs became unmanageable and she had a number of falls. A couple of months in a rehab facility flowed into permanent residence in a nursing home, but only for a few weeks as it turned out.
Last Monday Nan was taken into the hospital with pneumonia. When she grew sicker and it was clear the antibiotics and diuretics were not going to help, the decision was made to help her on her way. When everyone was gathered (all but Claire living in Texas, who was devastated she could not make it in time) Nan's CPAP mask was removed (replaced by a basic oxygen mask for comfort) and a morphine bolus was administered. The family circled her bed and all laid hands on Nan. She saw all of us and said "I love you" many times, and we all told her over and over how much we love her, too. It took about two hours, but she finally let go. It was terribly sad, but also beautiful and powerful. My family was supported by the loving care of a fantastic nurse, who helped us through the experience.
There will be no more suffering or indignities for Nan. Wherever she is, she is reunited with my grandfather, her parents, siblings and best friend. I am sure they are having a good party.
In four months I have lost both of my beloved grandmothers. Though I know how blessed I have been to know all of my grandparents so well, and to have had so much time with them, I feel a bit lost now. My parents are now the heads of the family. Holidays will be different from now on. It will take a lot of getting used to.
posted by Bridgett | 8:20 AM
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