Preparations
In about 38 hours, my second child will be born. I know this for the simple reason that I am having a scheduled C-section (because I ended up with one the first time around, and because I am not at all interested in trying for a VBAC thank you very much). What I did not expect, seeing as I've not only been through one C-section as well as about five other surgeries but that I've also circulated during dozens of C-sections as a nurse, is that I am really scared about it. I've been looking forward to delivering this baby for ages, and very excited, and prepared too. I know EXACTLY what to expect, because I am having the baby at my own work place with my friends and colleagues all around me. I chose my team, I trust these people. So why am I afraid I might die on the table?
I spent a good deal of this morning crying. I suppose the emotions and anxiety are normal; after all, my life is about to change in a huge way. Kaya has been so sweet and affectionate lately, and though I know it will be the best thing for her to become a big sister, I am also feeling guilty about how her whole identity is about to change. She will no longer be the only center of my universe. I am so afraid our relationship will change, that she will feel less special or loved. But I know for sure she will love her baby sister, and that they will have a deep connection and special bond for life. I am so excited to watch my girls love each other.
The last weeks of this pregnancy got physically difficult, but I was able to keep working full time (three 12-hour shifts per week) up through yesterday. I have been very uncomfortable due to lower back pain, swollen feet and heartburn, and often truly exhausted. I've also been dealing with having gestational diabetes, a complication I did not have the first time around. When I was first diagnosed, I was so distraught. It was just before Christmas, so I had to miss out on many of the treats of the season. I felt very sorry for myself, but as time went on it got easier. I am proud to say that I was able to maintain excellent blood glucose levels through diet control, and am therefore hopeful that my baby will not suffer any adverse effects. I have received excellent prenatal care, and been very closely monitored with weekly non stress tests and biophysical profiles as well as monthly ultrasounds to measure the baby's growth. As of last Thursday she appears to be about 7lbs, and all of her monitoring has been really great.
There was a sweet baby shower for me at work. My friend Gail went way above and beyond by organizing the party, decorating the room, supplying a DELICIOUS Sugarbakers cake among other treats, and giving me a really nice gift on top of all that. Unfortunately for my coworkers it happened to be one of the busiest days in L&D history, so most everybody was too busy to be able to hang out and relax. They had all these gifts stacked up for me, and all of this food laid out, but each person only could dash in to get a plate of food and say how sorry they were that they couldn't stay. Of course I understood completely, but it was a bit of a bummer.
Last Sunday my mom and sister-in-law Alex threw me a very elegant and fun baby shower with my aunts and cousins. We had so much fun! I had been so sure my family wasn't planning a shower as this is my second baby. Turns out my mom had been trying to make it a surprise, and so had been keeping really quiet about it up until a couple of weeks ago when she decided to tell me after all. It really was so great, although my grandmothers were very much missed. It is still so weird that they are gone, nothing feels the same.
Bruce and I (OK, mostly Bruce) have been working on getting the house ready for baby Quinn. We had to rearrange a good bit of furniture to make way for the bassinet, changing table and baby dresser in our bedroom. Quinn will be bunking with us for a few months, as we still need to set up a play area in our basement for Kaya's larger toys (kitchen, play house, easel, and so on) which are currently taking up her entire room. Once that is organized, Quinn can move in with her big sister. And after that happens, I am getting my new bedroom furniture on way or another! The big stuff is all done, and though we still have cleaning and organizing to do, I am happy with the house in general. I can fix the details during my maternity leave. At this point, all I can focus on is making sure my hospital bag is stocked with all of the essentials and that the car seats are properly installed in the mini van. The rest will fall into place. At least baby has a bed to sleep in and a dresser full of clean clothes!
Tomorrow is my last full day of being pregnant. I'll take Kaya to school, and I have one last prenatal appointment. I've been obsessively reading the Twilight books (started the 4th and final one last night), and hope to be able to get some reading time in, and maybe a nap! Because once little Quinn arrives sleep will be a distant memory for a while. I may be scared, but more eager than ever to see my tiny one's face and kiss her all over.
I spent a good deal of this morning crying. I suppose the emotions and anxiety are normal; after all, my life is about to change in a huge way. Kaya has been so sweet and affectionate lately, and though I know it will be the best thing for her to become a big sister, I am also feeling guilty about how her whole identity is about to change. She will no longer be the only center of my universe. I am so afraid our relationship will change, that she will feel less special or loved. But I know for sure she will love her baby sister, and that they will have a deep connection and special bond for life. I am so excited to watch my girls love each other.
The last weeks of this pregnancy got physically difficult, but I was able to keep working full time (three 12-hour shifts per week) up through yesterday. I have been very uncomfortable due to lower back pain, swollen feet and heartburn, and often truly exhausted. I've also been dealing with having gestational diabetes, a complication I did not have the first time around. When I was first diagnosed, I was so distraught. It was just before Christmas, so I had to miss out on many of the treats of the season. I felt very sorry for myself, but as time went on it got easier. I am proud to say that I was able to maintain excellent blood glucose levels through diet control, and am therefore hopeful that my baby will not suffer any adverse effects. I have received excellent prenatal care, and been very closely monitored with weekly non stress tests and biophysical profiles as well as monthly ultrasounds to measure the baby's growth. As of last Thursday she appears to be about 7lbs, and all of her monitoring has been really great.
There was a sweet baby shower for me at work. My friend Gail went way above and beyond by organizing the party, decorating the room, supplying a DELICIOUS Sugarbakers cake among other treats, and giving me a really nice gift on top of all that. Unfortunately for my coworkers it happened to be one of the busiest days in L&D history, so most everybody was too busy to be able to hang out and relax. They had all these gifts stacked up for me, and all of this food laid out, but each person only could dash in to get a plate of food and say how sorry they were that they couldn't stay. Of course I understood completely, but it was a bit of a bummer.
Last Sunday my mom and sister-in-law Alex threw me a very elegant and fun baby shower with my aunts and cousins. We had so much fun! I had been so sure my family wasn't planning a shower as this is my second baby. Turns out my mom had been trying to make it a surprise, and so had been keeping really quiet about it up until a couple of weeks ago when she decided to tell me after all. It really was so great, although my grandmothers were very much missed. It is still so weird that they are gone, nothing feels the same.
Bruce and I (OK, mostly Bruce) have been working on getting the house ready for baby Quinn. We had to rearrange a good bit of furniture to make way for the bassinet, changing table and baby dresser in our bedroom. Quinn will be bunking with us for a few months, as we still need to set up a play area in our basement for Kaya's larger toys (kitchen, play house, easel, and so on) which are currently taking up her entire room. Once that is organized, Quinn can move in with her big sister. And after that happens, I am getting my new bedroom furniture on way or another! The big stuff is all done, and though we still have cleaning and organizing to do, I am happy with the house in general. I can fix the details during my maternity leave. At this point, all I can focus on is making sure my hospital bag is stocked with all of the essentials and that the car seats are properly installed in the mini van. The rest will fall into place. At least baby has a bed to sleep in and a dresser full of clean clothes!
Tomorrow is my last full day of being pregnant. I'll take Kaya to school, and I have one last prenatal appointment. I've been obsessively reading the Twilight books (started the 4th and final one last night), and hope to be able to get some reading time in, and maybe a nap! Because once little Quinn arrives sleep will be a distant memory for a while. I may be scared, but more eager than ever to see my tiny one's face and kiss her all over.
posted by Bridgett | 8:39 PM
1 Comments:
By now, I know that little Quinn is here and all is well! Great pix on facebook. Love the ones with the big sister!
I can understand your mixed emotions about what this will do to Kaya's life. I really struggled with that for several months after Julian was born. I felt like T had a patient loving mama who became a crazy, too-busy, grouchy mama when suddenly I had the demands of the new baby to deal with. Suddenly, I could't always read to him when he asked me to, and his papa had to put him to bed, though I had always done it.
I was kind of depressed about it for a while. I really missed T, and I missed the special closeness we had when he was my only child. But as the months passed, Julian became easier to care for each day. Now T doesn't languish while I bathe Jules -- I put the boys together in the tub, and they play, and it's GREAT! But it took a while to get here, and sometimes I did feel very sad about how I had changed things between me and T. So be prepared for that, but know that it gets better quickly!
Thinking of you and your girls and Bruce. :)
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